Draft 4. Fourth draft of my first short screenplay.
int. Casino Parlor - Brightly Lit
BALANAND VINDELAR
You have it, my kilted friend?
Robert Theive
Got it.
Balanand Vindelar
You brought it here? You are mad?
ROBERT THEIVE
Madder than most, but no. Why?
Balanand Vindelar
That is good. It would have been most unfortunate for
you.
ROBERT THEIVE
Where can I find a fiber for my specs?
BALANAND VINDELAR
Please, be enjoying my hospitality while we wait. My associates will have secure transfer protocols established shortly.
INT. Virtual VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM -
DAYTIME
Victor Bespoke
Here are the bandages. Just map them over every triangle of your skin. Are you ready?
JESSICA Bantling
I think so. Explain it to me again, how this is
supposed to work.
VICTOR BESPOKE
It's all about balancing the system. Two plus two is?
JESSICA Bantling
Four!
VICTOR BESPOKE
Right, but if the system sees two plus two on one side and
three on the other, the missing one has to come from somewhere.
JESSICA Bantling
And?
VICTOR BESPOKE
He took the one, so all we do is help him keep the system
balanced.
JESSICA Bantling
I think I get it. Do these bandages have
to cover all of me?
VICTOR BESPOKE
Yes, and no peaking! It's a bit of a Schroedinger. As long as you can't see him, he can't see you.
JESSICA BANTLING
If you say so. It's been so long!
VICTOR BESPOKE
Patience. First, to his abode.
INT. Virtual SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY LIT
VICTOR BESPOKE
This will only take a moment.
JESSICA BANTLING (O.S.)
Is it there?
VICTOR BESPOKE
In all probability. His system should be picking me up and alerting him. Right. About.
ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)
Hey!
int. Virtual bare room - darkly lit
VICTOR BESPOKE
Now. Hello, Robert.
Robert Theive
Who are yea?
Victor Bespoke
That is not important.
Jessica Bantling
The vultures emptied the place!
Robert Theive
This is... That was my private property you were
trespassing on!
JESSICA BANTLING
What did you do with my life?
ROBERT THEIVE
What system is this? I'm not familiar with the design.
int. Virtual Victorian drawing room -
daytime
Jessica Bantling (O.S.)
When it's done, can it be undone?
Victor Bespoke
If he thinks to give it back. Else what's done is
done. Care for a drink?
ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)
Why?
Victor Bespoke
Because I'm thirsty.
int. Virtual Scottish Castle library
- darkly
lit
ROBERT THEIVE
Why was I.?.
Victor Bespoke
There?
You were the one with the dress.
Robert Theive
Kilt.
Victor Bespoke
What?
Robert Theive
I'm wearing a kilt.
Victor Bespoke
Yes, you are.
Last night, did anything strike you as unusual?
Jessica Bantling (O.S.)
What did you do to the dress?
INT. Virtual BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
ROBERT THEIVE
And I'm back here again.
Victor Bespoke
So let's get this straight. The dress you were wearing last night was yours.
ROBERT THEIVE
Are yea daft? It was me kilt! There was no dress! I was't wearing my dress, or anyone else's for that matter!
VICTOR BESPOKE
Fare enough. The "kilt" you were wearing last night didn't come from this room?
Robert Theive
No.
Victor Bespoke
The dress-like garb, in which you were robed last night,
was your own?
Robert Theive
Yes. I suppose I was.
Jessica Bantling
I didn't think it would fit.
INT. Virtual SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY
- DARKLY
LIT
Victor Bespoke
It was hers, you know.
Robert Theive
Hers?
Jessica Bantling (O.S.)
Mine.
Victor Bespoke
Yes. The dress, the bare room, these are all aspects of
her. It's
why you keep getting pulled back to the room.
Robert Theive
Huh. Well yea got me. It's not like she had any
use for it anymore, being dead in all.
INT. Virtual BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
Jessica Bantling
Such a narrow definition of death.
Robert Theive
Why do you care?
Victor Bespoke
It's a package deal. Take one and you take them all.
INT. Virtual SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY
- DARKLY
LIT
Robert Theive
If that be the terms. Will yea leave me be already?
VICTOR BESPOKE
Why did you take it?
ROBERT THEIVE
Nobody else was using it.
Victor Bespoke
And you know enough to use one of my creations?
Robert Theive
I'll figure it out. Are yea done?
Victor Bespoke
Yes. I have all I need.
INT. Virtual BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
Jessica Bantling
That's all? Aren't you going to, you know, do something?
Robert Theive
Hey! Who are.?.
VICTOR BESPOKE
You peeked! No, all that would do is display malicious
intent and void the
terms.
ROBERT THEIVE
Can't yea see this is a private
conversation?
Victor Bespoke
Did anyone invoke a privacy clause?
Robert Theive
No, I suppose not.
Victor Bespoke
For all you know, I might be broadcasting this live, for all
to see. Some cheesy Candid Capture machinema peep-fest...
Robert Theive
Yea didn't!
Jessica Bantling
You should have.
Victor Bespoke
No, I didn't. And it wouldn't have been in our best interests either.
INT. Virtual VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM -
DAYTIME
Jessica Bantling
What do you mean?
Robert Theive (O.S.)
What?
Victor Bespoke
You see, when he took the bait...
Jessica Bantling
The dress.
Victor Bespoke
Yes, when he stole the dress...
Robert Theive (O.S.)
I didn't steal the dress.
Victor Bespoke
Thank you. As I was saying, he chose to take it and as
the saying goes, possession is nine-tenths of the law. As clearly stated
in the dress's
embodied End-User License Agreement...
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
E.U.L.A? Crap.
VICTOR BESPOKE
You did ask the dress what its terms of ownership were,
didn't you?
Jessica Bantling
So it's viral?
Victor Bespoke
No, it doesn't replicate.
JESSICA BANTLING
A Trojan horse then?
VICTOR BESPOKE
Yes! It's a digital rights management exploit. He
is in fact on
public record, with dozens of witnesses I might add, prancing around town in
what used to be your very unique dress.
Jessica Bantling
I never figured you for a tranny.
Robert Theive (O.S.)
I wasn't wearing the dress!
Are yea as deaf as yea are blind?
INT. Virtual BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
Victor Bespoke
To be fair, it didn't look like a dress at the time. Would have been too obvious. Robert, what are you wearing right now?
Robert Theive
I told you before, a kil... GAH!
Victor Bespoke
Don't get your knickers in a knot. It likes you!
What did
you think you were going to do with a designer dress like
that?
Robert Theive
Sell it.
JESSICA BANTLING (O.S.)
Knickers, hah! You don't just sell a vicky-tech dress on the
street. All you're pushing are polygons without the hardware and wetware
links!
INT. Virtual VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM -
DAYTIME
Victor Bespoke
Not too bright, is he? Let him keep the dress.
Jessica Bantling
But I was so looking forward to...
Victor Bespoke
Forget the dress. The transfer is complete and I can
make
you a new one.
Robert Theive (O.S.)
Transfer?
Jessica Bantling
That's all there is to it?
Victor Bespoke
That's all.
INT. Virtual Scottish Castle Library
- Darkly
lit
Robert Theive (O.S.)
What's all this about a transfer?
Victor Bespoke
We humbly accept your castle and all your possessions as
payment. Have a nice day!
Jessica Bantling
I think I can get used to this.
ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)
Wait!
Jessica Bantling
Can I take off the rest of these bandages now?
ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)
Hello?
Victor Bespoke
Yes, you can purge them. The place is yours, sight
unseen if you'll pardon the pun.
JESSICA Bantling
Alright, that's enough. Let's see, here's the bar...
ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)
How do I take this thing off? Where's my kilt??
Gah! Knickers!
Jessica Bantling
Ah, this
looks good. Care for a glass?
INT. Virtual BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
ROBERT THEIVE
I said... Hello? I can't seem to find the
door.
BALANAND VINDELAR (O.S.)
What do you mean, the dress is not connected anymore?
These things don't just get up and walk away by themselves. Hello Mister
Thief?
ROBERT THEIVE
Hey! You can't just leave me here!
Balanand Vindelar (O.S.)
Hello? I am talking to you but you are not
listening to
my words. Take those spectacles off your eyes!
INT. CASINO PARLOR - BRIGHTLY LIT
Balanand Vindelar
Thank you! My associates tell me you are no longer in
possession of the
dress.
Is this true?
ROBERT THEIVE
I can explain!
Balanand Vindelar
I do not want to hear excuses.
ROBERT THEIVE
Apologies.
Balanand Vindelar
You would do well to grovel, for your bottom is grass and I
am a very hungry bull. What are you going to do about it?
ROBERT THEIVE
They took everything!
Balanand Vindelar
That would be your problem. Bring the woman's avatar to
me. And put on some proper clothes. You look like an ugly little
school girl.
ROBERT THEIVE
It's a kilt.
END.
]]>Draft 3. Third draft of my first short screenplay.
int. Casino Parlor - Brightly Lit
Robert Theive
Got it.
Balanand Vindelar
You brought it here? You are mad??
ROBERT THEIVE
No... Why?
BALANAND VINDELAR
It would have been most unfortunate. My associates will
have secure transfer protocols established shortly. Please enjoy my
hospitality while we wait.
INT. VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME
Victor Bespoke
Are you ready?
JESSICA BANTLING
I think so. Explain it to me again, how this is
supposed to work.
VICTOR BESPOKE
It's all about balancing the system. Two plus two is?
JESSICA BANTLING
Four!
VICTOR BESPOKE
Right, but if the system sees two plus two on one side and
three on the other, the missing one has to come from somewhere.
JESSICA BANTLING
And?
VICTOR BESPOKE
He took the one, so we're helping him keep the system
balanced.
JESSICA BANTLING
I think I get it. Do these bandages have
to be covering all of me?
VICTOR BESPOKE
Yes, and no peaking! As long as you can't see him, he can't see you.
INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY LIT
JESSICA BANTLING (O.S.)
If you say so. Call me Cleopatra!
VICTOR BESPOKE
Ok Cleo. His system should be picking me up and
alerting him right. About.
ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)
Hey!
int. bare room - darkly lit
VICTOR BESPOKE
Now.
Robert Theive
Who are you?
Victor Bespoke
Why?
Jessica Bantling
Where is everything? What did you do to me?
Robert
Theive
What am I doing back.?. No. Where am I?
int. Victorian drawing room - daytime
Jessica
Bantling
(O.S.)
Can it be undone?
Victor
Bespoke
If he thinks to give it back. Otherwise, what's done is
done. Care for a drink?
ROBERT
THEIVE (O.S.)
Why?
Victor
Bespoke
Because I'm thirsty.
int. Scottish Castle library - darkly
lit
ROBERT
THEIVE
Why was I... where I was, and now I am both here and in that other room?
Victor
Bespoke
Where?
You were the one wearing the dress.
Robert
Theive
Kilt.
Victor
Bespoke
What?
Robert
Theive
I'm wearing a kilt.
Victor
Bespoke
I know that
is a kilt. You were wearing the dress last night.
Jessica
Bantling (O.S.)
What did you do to the dress?
INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
Victor
Bespoke
So let me get this straight. The dress you were wearing last night was yours. You didn't steal it from this room?
Robert
Theive
No.
Victor
Bespoke
You were wearing your dress.
Robert
Theive
I was not wearing my dress, or
anyone else's for that matter!
Jessica
Bantling
I didn't think it would fit.
INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY
LIT
Victor
Bespoke
It was hers, you
know.
Robert
Theive
Hers?
Jessica
Bantling (O.S.)
Mine.
Victor
Bespoke
Yes. The dress, the bare room, all aspects of
her.
Robert
Theive
Huh. It's not like she was going to use it or anything.
INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
Jessica
Bantling
Not going to use it? In this state? Of course I wasn't
going to...
Robert
Theive
Why do you care?
Victor
Bespoke
It's a package deal. Take one and you take them all.
INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY
LIT
Robert
Theive
Ok...
VICTOR
BESPOKE
Why did you take it?
ROBERT
THEIVE
Nobody else was using it.
Victor
Bespoke
Prove it.
Robert
Theive
Why should I have to prove anything to you?
Victor
Bespoke
You don't. I have all I need.
INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
Jessica
Bantling
That's all? Aren't you going to, you know, do something?
Robert
Theive
Hey! Who are.?.
VICTOR
BESPOKE
You peeked! No, all that would do is display malicious
intent and void the
terms.
ROBERT
THEIVE
Can't you see this is a private
conversation?
Victor
Bespoke
Did anyone invoke a privacy clause?
Robert
Theive
No, I suppose not.
Victor
Bespoke
For all you know, I might be broadcasting this live, for all
to see. Some cheesy Candid Capture machinema peep-fest...
Robert
Theive
You didn't!?!
Jessica
Bantling
You should have.
Victor
Bespoke
No, I didn't. And it wouldn't have been in our best interests either.
INT. VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME
Jessica
Bantling
What do you mean?
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
What?
Victor
Bespoke
You see, when he took the bait...
Jessica
Bantling
The dress.
Victor
Bespoke
Yes, when he stole the dress...
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
I didn't steal the dress.
Victor
Bespoke
Thank you. As I was saying, he chose to take it and as
the saying goes, possession is nine-tenths of the law. As clearly stated
in the dress's
embodied End-User License Agreement...
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
Uh oh.
VICTOR
BESPOKE
You did ask the dress what its terms of ownership were,
didn't you?
Jessica
Bantling
So it's viral?
Victor
Bespoke
No, it doesn't replicate. Think of it as a Trojan
horse. It's a digital rights management
loop-hole. He is in fact on public record, with dozens of witnesses I might add, prancing around town in
what used to be your very unique dress.
Jessica
Bantling
I never figured you for a tranny.
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
I wasn't wearing the dress!
INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
Victor
Bespoke
Oh really? What are you wearing right now?
Robert
Theive
I told you before, a kil... GAH!
Victor
Bespoke
Tricky little number, isn't it? What did
you think you were going to do with a designer dress like
that?
Robert
Theive
Sell it.
Jessica
Bantling
Sell it? Hah! You don't just sell a vicky-tech dress on the
street. All you're pushing are polygons without the hardware and wetware
links!
INT. VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME
Victor
Bespoke
Not too bright, is he? Let him keep the dress.
Jessica
Bantling
But I was so looking forward to...
Victor
Bespoke
Forget the dress. The transfer is complete.
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
Transfer?
Jessica
Bantling
That's all there is to it?
Victor
Bespoke
That's all.
INT. Scottish Castle Library - Darkly
lit
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
What transfer?
Victor
Bespoke
We humbly accept your castle and all your possessions as
payment. Have a nice day!
Jessica
Bantling
I think I can get used to this.
ROBERT
THEIVE (O.S.)
Wait!
Jessica
Bantling
Can I take off the rest of these bandages now?
ROBERT
THEIVE (O.S.)
Hello?
Victor
Bespoke
Yes, you can take them off. The place is yours, sight
unseen if you'll pardon the pun.
JESSICA
BANTLING
Alright, that's enough. Let's see, here's the bar...
ROBERT
THEIVE (O.S.)
How do I take this thing off? Where's my kilt??
Jessica
Bantling
Ah, this
looks good. Care for a glass?
INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
ROBERT
THEIVE
I said... Hello? I can't seem to find the
door. Hey! You can't just leave me here!
BALANAND
VINDELAR (O.S.)
There you are. Truth does not come easily to you, does
it?
INT. CASINO PARLOR - BRIGHTLY LIT
BALANAND
VINDELAR
Not only did you lie to me, the dress is now useless.
ROBERT
THEIVE
I can explain!
BALANAND
VINDELAR
I do not want to hear excuses.
ROBERT
THEIVE
Sorry.
BALANAND
VINDELAR
You would do well to grovel, for your bottom is grass and I
am a very hungry bull. Much is owed me, and I intend to collect.
ROBERT
THEIVE
What can I do? They took everything!
BALANAND
VINDELAR
That would be your problem. Bring the woman to me.
END.
Second Draft (for more revisions, etc.). Second draft of my first short screenplay.
INT. VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME
Victor
Bespoke
Are you ready?
JESSICA
BANTLING
I think so. Explain it to me again, how this is
supposed to work.
VICTOR
BESPOKE
It's all about balancing the system. Two plus two is?
JESSICA
BANTLING
Four!
VICTOR
BESPOKE
Right, but if the system sees two plus two on one side and
three on the other, the missing one has to come from somewhere.
JESSICA
BANTLING
And?
VICTOR
BESPOKE
He took the one, so we're helping him keep the system
balanced.
JESSICA
BANTLING
I think I get it. Do these bandages have
to be covering all of me?
VICTOR
BESPOKE
Yes, and no peaking! As long as you can't see him, he can't see you.
INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY
LIT
JESSICA
BANTLING (O.S.)
If you say so. Call me Cleopatra!
VICTOR
BESPOKE
Ok Cleo. His system should be picking me up and
alerting him right. about.
ROBERT
THEIVE (O.S.)
Hey!
int. bare room - darkly lit
VICTOR
BESPOKE
Now.
Robert
Theive
Who are you?
Victor
Bespoke
Why?
Jessica
Bantling
Where is everything? What did you do to me?
Robert
Theive
What am I doing back.?. No. Where am I?
int. Victorian drawing room - daytime
Jessica
Bantling
(O.S.)
Can it be undone?
Victor
Bespoke
If he thinks to give it back. Otherwise, what's done is
done. Care for a drink?
Robert
Theive
Why?
Victor
Bespoke
Because I'm thirsty.
Robert
Theive
Why was I there, and now here?
int. Scottish Castle library - darkly
lit
Victor
Bespoke
Where?
You were the one wearing the dress.
Robert
Theive
Kilt.
Victor
Bespoke
Murder?
Robert
Theive
I'm wearing a kilt.
Victor
Bespoke
I know that
is a kilt.
You were wearing the dress last night.
Jessica
Bantling (O.S.)
What did you do to the dress?
INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
Victor
Bespoke
So let me get this straight. The dress you were wearing last night was yours. You didn't steal it from this room?
Robert
Theive
No.
Victor
Bespoke
You were wearing your dress.
Robert
Theive
I was not wearing my dress, or
anyone else's for that matter!
Jessica
Bantling
I didn't think it would fit.
INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY
LIT
Victor
Bespoke
It was hers, you
know.
Robert
Theive
Hers?
Jessica
Bantling (O.S.)
Mine.
Victor
Bespoke
Yes. The dress, the bare room, all aspects of
her.
Robert
Theive
Huh. It's not like she was going to use it or anything.
INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
Jessica
Bantling
Not going to use it? In this state? Of course I wasn't
going to...
Robert
Theive
Why do you care?
Victor
Bespoke
It's a package deal. Take one and you take them all.
INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY
LIT
Robert
Theive
Hey! All that time I wasted on her? She owed me.
VICTOR
BESPOKE
So you took it.
ROBERT
THEIVE
It was mine to take!
Victor
Bespoke
Prove it.
Robert
Theive
Why should I have to prove anything to you?
Victor
Bespoke
You don't. I have all I need.
Jessica
Bantling
That's all? Aren't you going to, you know, do something?
INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
Robert
Theive
Hey! Who are.?.
VICTOR
BESPOKE
You peeked! No, all that would do is display malicious
intent and void the
terms.
ROBERT
THEIVE
Can't you see this is a private
conversation?
Victor
Bespoke
Did anyone invoke a privacy clause?
Robert
Theive
No, I suppose not.
Victor
Bespoke
For all you know, I might be broadcasting this live, for all
to see. Some cheesy Candid Capture machinema peep-fest...
Robert
Theive
You didn't!?!
Jessica
Bantling
You should have.
INT. VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME
Victor
Bespoke
No, I didn't. And it wouldn't have been in our best
interests either.
Jessica
Bantling
What do you mean?
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
What?
Victor
Bespoke
You see, when he took the bait...
Jessica
Bantling
The dress.
Victor
Bespoke
Yes, when he stole the dress...
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
I didn't steal the dress.
Victor
Bespoke
Thank you. As I was saying, he chose to take it and as
the saying goes, possession is nine-tenths of the law. As clearly stated
in the dress's embodied End-User License Agreement...
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
Uh oh.
VICTOR
BESPOKE
You did ask the dress what its terms of ownership were,
didn't you?
Jessica
Bantling
So it's viral?
Victor
Bespoke
No, it doesn't replicate. Think of it as a Trojan
horse. It's a digital rights management
loop-hole. He is in fact on
public record, with dozens of witnesses I might add, prancing around town in
what used to be your very unique dress.
Jessica
Bantling
I never figured you for a tranny.
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
I wasn't wearing the dress!
INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY
LIT
Victor
Bespoke
Oh really? What are you wearing right now?
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
I told you before, a kil... GAH!
Victor
Bespoke
Tricky little number, isn't it? What did
you think you were going to do with a designer dress like
that?
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
Sell it.
Jessica
Bantling
Sell it? Hah! You don't just sell a vicky-tech dress on the
street. All you're pushing are polygons without the hardware and wetware
links!
INT. VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME
Victor
Bespoke
Not too bright, is he? Let him keep the dress.
Jessica
Bantling
But I was so looking forward to...
Victor
Bespoke
Forget the dress. The transfer is complete.
Robert
Theive (O.S.)
Transfer?
Jessica
Bantling
That's all there is to it?
Victor
Bespoke
That's all.
INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT
Robert
Theive
What transfer?
Victor
Bespoke (O.S.)
You wanted it, you got it. The dress and the
room. It's a package deal. And besides, we wouldn't want you to get
all disembodied-crazy on us.
Jessica
Bantling (O.S.)
I think I can get used to this.
Robert
Theive
Get used to what?
Jessica
Bantling (O.S.)
Can I take the rest of these bandages off
now?
Robert
Theive
Hello?
Victor
Bespoke (O.S.)
Yes, you can take them off. The place is yours, sight
unseen if you'll pardon the pun.
JESSICA
BANTLING (O.S.)
Alright, that's enought. Let's see...
Robert
Theive
How do I take this thing off? Where's my kilt??
Jessica
Bantling (O.S.)
Ah, this
looks good. Care for a glass?
Robert
Theive
I said... Hello? I can't seem to find a
door. Hey! You can't just leave me here! Hello!?!
END.
narrator
Another day draws to a close.
As camera pans up, slump over asleep.
self
All cars lined up...
Snoring
Typing on keyboard
narrator
Another day draws to a close.
Typing on keyboard
self
An ordinary Saturday. Pancakes, maple syrup and bacon
for breakfast.