Draft 4. Fourth draft of my first short screenplay.

int. Casino Parlor - Brightly Lit

BALANAND VINDELAR

You have it, my kilted friend?

Robert Theive

Got it.

Balanand Vindelar

You brought it here?  You are mad?

ROBERT THEIVE

Madder than most, but no.  Why?

Balanand Vindelar

That is good.  It would have been most unfortunate for you.

ROBERT THEIVE

Where can I find a fiber for my specs?

BALANAND VINDELAR

Please, be enjoying my hospitality while we wait.  My associates will have secure transfer protocols established shortly.

INT. Virtual VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME

Victor Bespoke

Here are the bandages.  Just map them over every triangle of your skin.  Are you ready?

JESSICA Bantling

I think so.  Explain it to me again, how this is supposed to work.

VICTOR BESPOKE

It's all about balancing the system. Two plus two is?

JESSICA Bantling

Four!

VICTOR BESPOKE

Right, but if the system sees two plus two on one side and three on the other, the missing one has to come from somewhere.

JESSICA Bantling

And?

VICTOR BESPOKE

He took the one, so all we do is help him keep the system balanced.

JESSICA Bantling

I think I get it.  Do these bandages have to cover all of me?

VICTOR BESPOKE

Yes, and no peaking!  It's a bit of a Schroedinger.  As long as you can't see him, he can't see you.

JESSICA BANTLING

If you say so.  It's been so long!

VICTOR BESPOKE

Patience.  First, to his abode.

INT. Virtual SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY LIT

VICTOR BESPOKE

This will only take a moment.

JESSICA BANTLING (O.S.)

Is it there?

VICTOR BESPOKE

In all probability.  His system should be picking me up and alerting him.  Right. About.

ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)

Hey!

int. Virtual bare room - darkly lit

VICTOR BESPOKE

Now.  Hello, Robert.

Robert Theive

Who are yea?

Victor Bespoke

That is not important.

Jessica Bantling

The vultures emptied the place!

Robert Theive

This is...  That was my private property you were trespassing on!

JESSICA BANTLING

What did you do with my life?

ROBERT THEIVE

What system is this?  I'm not familiar with the design.

int. Virtual Victorian drawing room - daytime

Jessica Bantling (O.S.)

When it's done, can it be undone?

Victor Bespoke

If he thinks to give it back.  Else what's done is done.  Care for a drink?

ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)

Why?

Victor Bespoke

Because I'm thirsty.

int. Virtual Scottish Castle library - darkly lit

ROBERT THEIVE

Why was I.?.

Victor Bespoke

There?  You were the one with the dress.

Robert Theive

Kilt.

Victor Bespoke

What?

Robert Theive

I'm wearing a kilt.

Victor Bespoke

Yes, you are.  Last night, did anything strike you as unusual?

Jessica Bantling (O.S.)

What did you do to the dress?

INT. Virtual BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

ROBERT THEIVE

And I'm back here again.

Victor Bespoke

So let's get this straight.  The dress you were wearing last night was yours.

ROBERT THEIVE

Are yea daft?  It was me kilt! There was no dress!  I was't wearing my dress, or anyone else's for that matter!

VICTOR BESPOKE

Fare enough.  The "kilt" you were wearing last night didn't come from this room?

Robert Theive

No.

Victor Bespoke

The dress-like garb, in which you were robed last night, was your own?

Robert Theive

Yes.  I suppose I was.

Jessica Bantling

I didn't think it would fit.

INT. Virtual SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY LIT

Victor Bespoke

It was hers, you know.

Robert Theive

Hers?

Jessica Bantling (O.S.)

Mine.

Victor Bespoke

Yes.  The dress, the bare room, these are all aspects of her.  It's why you keep getting pulled back to the room.

Robert Theive

Huh.  Well yea got me.  It's not like she had any use for it anymore, being dead in all.

INT. Virtual BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

Jessica Bantling

Such a narrow definition of death.

Robert Theive

Why do you care?

Victor Bespoke

It's a package deal.  Take one and you take them all.

INT. Virtual SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY LIT

Robert Theive

If that be the terms.  Will yea leave me be already?

VICTOR BESPOKE

Why did you take it?

ROBERT THEIVE

Nobody else was using it.

Victor Bespoke

And you know enough to use one of my creations?

Robert Theive

I'll figure it out.  Are yea done?

Victor Bespoke

Yes.  I have all I need.

INT. Virtual BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

Jessica Bantling

That's all?  Aren't you going to, you know, do something?

Robert Theive

Hey!  Who are.?.

VICTOR BESPOKE

You peeked!  No, all that would do is display malicious intent and void the terms.

ROBERT THEIVE

Can't yea see this is a private conversation?

Victor Bespoke

Did anyone invoke a privacy clause?

Robert Theive

No, I suppose not.

Victor Bespoke

For all you know, I might be broadcasting this live, for all to see.  Some cheesy Candid Capture machinema peep-fest...

Robert Theive

Yea didn't!

Jessica Bantling

You should have.

Victor Bespoke

No, I didn't.  And it wouldn't have been in our best interests either.

INT. Virtual VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME

Jessica Bantling

What do you mean?

Robert Theive (O.S.)

What?

Victor Bespoke

You see, when he took the bait...

Jessica Bantling

The dress.

Victor Bespoke

Yes, when he stole the dress...

Robert Theive (O.S.)

I didn't steal the dress.

Victor Bespoke

Thank you.  As I was saying, he chose to take it and as the saying goes, possession is nine-tenths of the law.  As clearly stated in the dress's embodied End-User License Agreement...

Robert Theive (O.S.)

E.U.L.A? Crap.

VICTOR BESPOKE

You did ask the dress what its terms of ownership were, didn't you?

Jessica Bantling

So it's viral?

Victor Bespoke

No, it doesn't replicate. 

JESSICA BANTLING

A Trojan horse then?

VICTOR BESPOKE

Yes!  It's a digital rights management exploit.  He is in fact on public record, with dozens of witnesses I might add, prancing around town in what used to be your very unique dress.

Jessica Bantling

I never figured you for a tranny.

Robert Theive (O.S.)

I wasn't wearing the dress!  Are yea as deaf as yea are blind?

INT. Virtual BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

Victor Bespoke

To be fair, it didn't look like a dress at the time.  Would have been too obvious.  Robert, what are you wearing right now?

Robert Theive

I told you before, a kil...  GAH!

Victor Bespoke

Don't get your knickers in a knot.  It likes you!  What did you think you were going to do with a designer dress like that?

Robert Theive

Sell it.

JESSICA BANTLING (O.S.)

Knickers, hah!  You don't just sell a vicky-tech dress on the street.  All you're pushing are polygons without the hardware and wetware links!

INT. Virtual VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME

Victor Bespoke

Not too bright, is he?  Let him keep the dress.

Jessica Bantling

But I was so looking forward to...

Victor Bespoke

Forget the dress.  The transfer is complete and I can make you a new one.

Robert Theive (O.S.)

Transfer?

Jessica Bantling

That's all there is to it?

Victor Bespoke

That's all.

INT. Virtual Scottish Castle Library - Darkly lit

Robert Theive (O.S.)

What's all this about a transfer?

Victor Bespoke

We humbly accept your castle and all your possessions as payment.  Have a nice day!

Jessica Bantling

I think I can get used to this.

ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)

Wait!

Jessica Bantling

Can I take off the rest of these bandages now?

ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)

Hello?

Victor Bespoke

Yes, you can purge them.  The place is yours, sight unseen if you'll pardon the pun.

JESSICA Bantling

Alright, that's enough.  Let's see, here's the bar...

ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)

How do I take this thing off?  Where's my kilt??  Gah!  Knickers!

Jessica Bantling

Ah, this looks good.  Care for a glass?

INT. Virtual BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

ROBERT THEIVE

I said...  Hello?  I can't seem to find the door.

BALANAND VINDELAR (O.S.)

What do you mean, the dress is not connected anymore?  These things don't just get up and walk away by themselves.  Hello Mister Thief?

ROBERT THEIVE

Hey!  You can't just leave me here!

Balanand Vindelar (O.S.)

Hello?  I am talking to you but you are not listening to my words.  Take those spectacles off your eyes!

INT. CASINO PARLOR - BRIGHTLY LIT

Balanand Vindelar

Thank you!  My associates tell me you are no longer in possession of the dress.  Is this true?

ROBERT THEIVE

I can explain!

Balanand Vindelar

I do not want to hear excuses.

ROBERT THEIVE

Apologies.

Balanand Vindelar

You would do well to grovel, for your bottom is grass and I am a very hungry bull.  What are you going to do about it?

ROBERT THEIVE

They took everything!

Balanand Vindelar

That would be your problem.  Bring the woman's avatar to me.  And put on some proper clothes.  You look like an ugly little school girl.

ROBERT THEIVE

It's a kilt.

END.

Draft 3. Third draft of my first short screenplay.

int. Casino Parlor - Brightly Lit

Robert Theive

Got it.

Balanand Vindelar

You brought it here?  You are mad??

ROBERT THEIVE

No...  Why?

BALANAND VINDELAR

It would have been most unfortunate.  My associates will have secure transfer protocols established shortly.  Please enjoy my hospitality while we wait.

INT. VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME

Victor Bespoke

Are you ready?

JESSICA BANTLING

I think so.  Explain it to me again, how this is supposed to work.

VICTOR BESPOKE

It's all about balancing the system. Two plus two is?

JESSICA BANTLING

Four!

VICTOR BESPOKE

Right, but if the system sees two plus two on one side and three on the other, the missing one has to come from somewhere.

JESSICA BANTLING

And?

VICTOR BESPOKE

He took the one, so we're helping him keep the system balanced.

JESSICA BANTLING

I think I get it.  Do these bandages have to be covering all of me?

VICTOR BESPOKE

Yes, and no peaking!  As long as you can't see him, he can't see you.

INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY LIT

JESSICA BANTLING (O.S.)

If you say so. Call me Cleopatra!

VICTOR BESPOKE

Ok Cleo.  His system should be picking me up and alerting him right. About.

ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)

Hey!

int. bare room - darkly lit

VICTOR BESPOKE

Now.

Robert Theive

Who are you?

Victor Bespoke

Why?

Jessica Bantling

Where is everything?  What did you do to me?

Robert Theive

What am I doing back.?.  No.  Where am I?

int. Victorian drawing room - daytime

Jessica Bantling (O.S.)

Can it be undone?

Victor Bespoke

If he thinks to give it back.  Otherwise, what's done is done.  Care for a drink?

ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)

Why?

Victor Bespoke

Because I'm thirsty.

int. Scottish Castle library - darkly lit

ROBERT THEIVE

Why was I...  where I was, and now I am both here and in that other room?

Victor Bespoke

Where?  You were the one wearing the dress.

Robert Theive

Kilt.

Victor Bespoke

What?

Robert Theive

I'm wearing a kilt.

Victor Bespoke

I know that is a kilt.  You were wearing the dress last night.

Jessica Bantling (O.S.)

What did you do to the dress?

INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

Victor Bespoke

So let me get this straight.  The dress you were wearing last night was yours.  You didn't steal it from this room?

Robert Theive

No.

Victor Bespoke

You were wearing your dress.

Robert Theive

I was not wearing my dress, or anyone else's for that matter!

Jessica Bantling

I didn't think it would fit.

INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY LIT

Victor Bespoke

It was hers, you know.

Robert Theive

Hers?

Jessica Bantling (O.S.)

Mine.

Victor Bespoke

Yes.  The dress, the bare room, all aspects of her. 

Robert Theive

Huh.  It's not like she was going to use it or anything.

INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

Jessica Bantling

Not going to use it? In this state?  Of course I wasn't going to...

Robert Theive

Why do you care?

Victor Bespoke

It's a package deal.  Take one and you take them all.

INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY LIT

Robert Theive

Ok...

VICTOR BESPOKE

Why did you take it?

ROBERT THEIVE

Nobody else was using it.

Victor Bespoke

Prove it.

Robert Theive

Why should I have to prove anything to you?

Victor Bespoke

You don't.  I have all I need.

INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

Jessica Bantling

That's all?  Aren't you going to, you know, do something?

Robert Theive

Hey!  Who are.?.

VICTOR BESPOKE

You peeked!  No, all that would do is display malicious intent and void the terms.

ROBERT THEIVE

Can't you see this is a private conversation?

Victor Bespoke

Did anyone invoke a privacy clause?

Robert Theive

No, I suppose not.

Victor Bespoke

For all you know, I might be broadcasting this live, for all to see.  Some cheesy Candid Capture machinema peep-fest...

Robert Theive

You didn't!?!

Jessica Bantling

You should have.

Victor Bespoke

No, I didn't.  And it wouldn't have been in our best interests either.

INT. VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME

Jessica Bantling

What do you mean?

Robert Theive (O.S.)

What?

Victor Bespoke

You see, when he took the bait...

Jessica Bantling

The dress.

Victor Bespoke

Yes, when he stole the dress...

Robert Theive (O.S.)

I didn't steal the dress.

Victor Bespoke

Thank you.  As I was saying, he chose to take it and as the saying goes, possession is nine-tenths of the law.  As clearly stated in the dress's embodied End-User License Agreement...

Robert Theive (O.S.)

Uh oh.

VICTOR BESPOKE

You did ask the dress what its terms of ownership were, didn't you?

Jessica Bantling

So it's viral?

Victor Bespoke

No, it doesn't replicate.  Think of it as a Trojan horse.  It's a digital rights management loop-hole.  He is in fact on public record, with dozens of witnesses I might add, prancing around town in what used to be your very unique dress.

Jessica Bantling

I never figured you for a tranny.

Robert Theive (O.S.)

I wasn't wearing the dress!

INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

Victor Bespoke

Oh really?  What are you wearing right now?

Robert Theive

I told you before, a kil...  GAH!

Victor Bespoke

Tricky little number, isn't it?  What did you think you were going to do with a designer dress like that?

Robert Theive

Sell it.

Jessica Bantling

Sell it?  Hah!  You don't just sell a vicky-tech dress on the street.  All you're pushing are polygons without the hardware and wetware links!

INT. VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME

Victor Bespoke

Not too bright, is he?  Let him keep the dress.

Jessica Bantling

But I was so looking forward to...

Victor Bespoke

Forget the dress.  The transfer is complete.

Robert Theive (O.S.)

Transfer?

Jessica Bantling

That's all there is to it?

Victor Bespoke

That's all.

INT. Scottish Castle Library - Darkly lit

Robert Theive (O.S.)

What transfer?

Victor Bespoke

We humbly accept your castle and all your possessions as payment.  Have a nice day!

Jessica Bantling

I think I can get used to this.

ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)

Wait!

Jessica Bantling

Can I take off the rest of these bandages now?

ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)

Hello?

Victor Bespoke

Yes, you can take them off.  The place is yours, sight unseen if you'll pardon the pun.

JESSICA BANTLING

Alright, that's enough.  Let's see, here's the bar...

ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)

How do I take this thing off?  Where's my kilt??

Jessica Bantling

Ah, this looks good.  Care for a glass?

INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

ROBERT THEIVE

I said...  Hello?  I can't seem to find the door.  Hey!  You can't just leave me here!

BALANAND VINDELAR (O.S.)

There you are.  Truth does not come easily to you, does it?

INT. CASINO PARLOR - BRIGHTLY LIT

BALANAND VINDELAR

Not only did you lie to me, the dress is now useless.

ROBERT THEIVE

I can explain!

BALANAND VINDELAR

I do not want to hear excuses.

ROBERT THEIVE

Sorry.

BALANAND VINDELAR

You would do well to grovel, for your bottom is grass and I am a very hungry bull.  Much is owed me, and I intend to collect.

ROBERT THEIVE

What can I do?  They took everything!

BALANAND VINDELAR

That would be your problem.  Bring the woman to me.

END.

Second Draft (for more revisions, etc.). Second draft of my first short screenplay.

INT. VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME

Victor Bespoke

Are you ready?

JESSICA BANTLING

I think so.  Explain it to me again, how this is supposed to work.

VICTOR BESPOKE

It's all about balancing the system. Two plus two is?

JESSICA BANTLING

Four!

VICTOR BESPOKE

Right, but if the system sees two plus two on one side and three on the other, the missing one has to come from somewhere.

JESSICA BANTLING

And?

VICTOR BESPOKE

He took the one, so we're helping him keep the system balanced.

JESSICA BANTLING

I think I get it.  Do these bandages have to be covering all of me?

VICTOR BESPOKE

Yes, and no peaking!  As long as you can't see him, he can't see you.

INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY LIT

JESSICA BANTLING (O.S.)

If you say so. Call me Cleopatra!

VICTOR BESPOKE

Ok Cleo.  His system should be picking me up and alerting him right. about.

ROBERT THEIVE (O.S.)

Hey!

int. bare room - darkly lit

VICTOR BESPOKE

Now.

Robert Theive

Who are you?

Victor Bespoke

Why?

Jessica Bantling

Where is everything?  What did you do to me?

Robert Theive

What am I doing back.?.  No.  Where am I?

int. Victorian drawing room - daytime

Jessica Bantling (O.S.)

Can it be undone?

Victor Bespoke

If he thinks to give it back.  Otherwise, what's done is done.  Care for a drink?

Robert Theive

Why?

Victor Bespoke

Because I'm thirsty.

Robert Theive

Why was I there, and now here?

int. Scottish Castle library - darkly lit

Victor Bespoke

Where?  You were the one wearing the dress.

Robert Theive

Kilt.

Victor Bespoke

Murder?

Robert Theive

I'm wearing a kilt.

Victor Bespoke

I know that is a kilt.  You were wearing the dress last night.

Jessica Bantling (O.S.)

What did you do to the dress?

INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

Victor Bespoke

So let me get this straight.  The dress you were wearing last night was yours.  You didn't steal it from this room?

Robert Theive

No.

Victor Bespoke

You were wearing your dress.

Robert Theive

I was not wearing my dress, or anyone else's for that matter!

Jessica Bantling

I didn't think it would fit.

INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY LIT

Victor Bespoke

It was hers, you know.

Robert Theive

Hers?

Jessica Bantling (O.S.)

Mine.

Victor Bespoke

Yes.  The dress, the bare room, all aspects of her. 

Robert Theive

Huh.  It's not like she was going to use it or anything.

INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

Jessica Bantling

Not going to use it? In this state?  Of course I wasn't going to...

Robert Theive

Why do you care?

Victor Bespoke

It's a package deal.  Take one and you take them all.

INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY LIT

Robert Theive

Hey!  All that time I wasted on her?  She owed me.

VICTOR BESPOKE

So you took it.

ROBERT THEIVE

It was mine to take!

Victor Bespoke

Prove it.

Robert Theive

Why should I have to prove anything to you?

Victor Bespoke

You don't.  I have all I need.

Jessica Bantling

That's all?  Aren't you going to, you know, do something?

INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

Robert Theive

Hey!  Who are.?.

VICTOR BESPOKE

You peeked!  No, all that would do is display malicious intent and void the terms.

ROBERT THEIVE

Can't you see this is a private conversation?

Victor Bespoke

Did anyone invoke a privacy clause?

Robert Theive

No, I suppose not.

Victor Bespoke

For all you know, I might be broadcasting this live, for all to see.  Some cheesy Candid Capture machinema peep-fest...

Robert Theive

You didn't!?!

Jessica Bantling

You should have.

INT. VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME

Victor Bespoke

No, I didn't.  And it wouldn't have been in our best interests either.

Jessica Bantling

What do you mean?

Robert Theive (O.S.)

What?

Victor Bespoke

You see, when he took the bait...

Jessica Bantling

The dress.

Victor Bespoke

Yes, when he stole the dress...

Robert Theive (O.S.)

I didn't steal the dress.

Victor Bespoke

Thank you.  As I was saying, he chose to take it and as the saying goes, possession is nine-tenths of the law.  As clearly stated in the dress's embodied End-User License Agreement...

Robert Theive (O.S.)

Uh oh.

VICTOR BESPOKE

You did ask the dress what its terms of ownership were, didn't you?

Jessica Bantling

So it's viral?

Victor Bespoke

No, it doesn't replicate.  Think of it as a Trojan horse.  It's a digital rights management loop-hole.  He is in fact on public record, with dozens of witnesses I might add, prancing around town in what used to be your very unique dress.

Jessica Bantling

I never figured you for a tranny.

Robert Theive (O.S.)

I wasn't wearing the dress!

INT. SCOTTISH CASTLE LIBRARY - DARKLY LIT

Victor Bespoke

Oh really?  What are you wearing right now?

Robert Theive (O.S.)

I told you before, a kil...  GAH!

Victor Bespoke

Tricky little number, isn't it?  What did you think you were going to do with a designer dress like that?

Robert Theive (O.S.)

Sell it.

Jessica Bantling

Sell it?  Hah!  You don't just sell a vicky-tech dress on the street.  All you're pushing are polygons without the hardware and wetware links!

INT. VICTORIAN DRAWING ROOM - DAYTIME

Victor Bespoke

Not too bright, is he?  Let him keep the dress.

Jessica Bantling

But I was so looking forward to...

Victor Bespoke

Forget the dress.  The transfer is complete.

Robert Theive (O.S.)

Transfer?

Jessica Bantling

That's all there is to it?

Victor Bespoke

That's all.

INT. BARE ROOM - DARKLY LIT

Robert Theive

What transfer?

Victor Bespoke (O.S.)

You wanted it, you got it.  The dress and the room.  It's a package deal.  And besides, we wouldn't want you to get all disembodied-crazy on us.

Jessica Bantling (O.S.)

I think I can get used to this.

Robert Theive

Get used to what?

Jessica Bantling (O.S.)

Can I take the rest of these bandages off now?

Robert Theive

Hello?

Victor Bespoke (O.S.)

Yes, you can take them off.  The place is yours, sight unseen if you'll pardon the pun.

JESSICA BANTLING (O.S.)

Alright, that's enought.  Let's see...

Robert Theive

How do I take this thing off?  Where's my kilt??

Jessica Bantling (O.S.)

Ah, this looks good.  Care for a glass?

Robert Theive

I said...  Hello?  I can't seem to find a door.  Hey!  You can't just leave me here!  Hello!?!

END.

narrator

Another day draws to a close.

Eyes Closed, originally uploaded by aplumb.

As camera pans up, slump over asleep.

self

All cars lined up...

Snoring

Typing on keyboard

narrator

Another day draws to a close.

Typing on keyboard

self

An ordinary Saturday.  Pancakes, maple syrup and bacon for breakfast.